ahhh I can't sleep. I want you to know that I'm typing this on my cute new little tiny computer that I just bought at costco. I love costco. Its such a small computer, but since I already have a pretty decent one I thought it foolish to invest in a new computer, but I wanted a laptop to take to class. So thankfully, costco provided me with the greatest option... a really cheap laptop that does everything that I need it to do, I can take notes, use the internet and write papers up on campus. Then if I need to use a more intense program I can use my computer at home. This is pure joy.

I hate nights like this. Because I can't sleep... so I end up having to make the decision... do I just stay up all night (which is stupid and I never end up doing) or do I try to go to sleep (which will take forever) and risk not being able to wake up on time in the morning. Either way I'm going to be tired tomorrow night, so I guess that's reassuring.

Life is complicated right now. Which makes things more interesting I suppose. I need to figure out how to get better answers to my questions is all.

I took a color test today. Apparently I'm a mixture of blue, white, and red, with a touch of yellow. I'm not exactly sure what that is supposed to mean, but I suppose I'll figure that out as I keep reading the book.

Well since my excuse for not trying to sleep is now coming to an end (television broadcast of my best friends wedding) I think I'll go ahead and make that attempt now. Oh... spanglish is next. I love that movie. But thankfully I watched that while I was in Vegas... so really I have no excuse now. I'm going to bed.

Well thats all for now.
Favorite moment of the day? When I realized that there are actually people in this world who are more emotionally handicapped than me :) i.e. guy that wanted to ask me out today, and aparently doesn't take rejection very well. Sounds crueler than it really was... he's just a weird kid.

Goodnight

The curses of modern technology

So I sit here right now a very embarrassed... and maybe a little ashamed girl. I was very bored so I made the mistake of going through some old emails that were still on facebook and myspace from before my mission. There happened to be some from former boyfriends. As it turns out.... I have been very mean to some very nice boys. I never really considered myself a manipulator... but I think the realization that I have only just now come to is that I may not be the worst there ever was.... but I'm definitely up there. Its almost funny because I always considered myself the victim... but as I read what they wrote to me I realized that I totally didn't deserve them. I mean, I was seeing like three guys at once at one point, and I was just dragging them along for the ride until they refused to take it anymore. Thats bad. I suppose its a good thing that I've come to understand that... albeit a little late.

This is what not having a job will do to you.

I need to find a better way to occupy my time. Well in January I'll have school. So I'm excited about that. I just got back from the WNFR in Vegas... it was great. There were some hardcore cowboys there. We're talking riding broncs with a broken arm... and bulls with a leg broken in two places. You want to talk pain.... that's hardcore.... or very very stupid. One of the two. Regardless I maintain that cowboys are hot.

hot boys and hot springs....

a lethal combination. Ha.. just kidding. No, but really last night was fun. I went out with the girls to dinner and then Cassie King's basketball game and we ended up going to the hot springs in Midway with a bunch of people. I really didn't know anyone, except Anna, but it was fun. I got to know some new people, and it was good practice at the whole "social" thing. I could get used to this.

I think I might have burned my legs at the hot springs. Is that possible? Because its been almost 24 hours and they are still red. It was blazing hot there, and we had to keep getting out and sitting on the rocks to get cool. Hmm... I wonder what kind of damage that can do....

So to give you a little peak into the unbelievable excitingness of my life right now... biggest concern of the moment.... that would have to be me driving up to Salt Lake all by myself on Monday to pick Taylor up from the airport. Yeah... I kind of agreed to that with out thinking. See.... I haven't driven a car in over a year and a half... and uh yeah... I'll have to go on the highway, merging... high speeds... Utah drivers. Needless to say.... I'm terrified. I'll get over it, or at least I have to. I don't really have a choice now. I can't pick him up with my mom. That would be... awkward.

I find myself still remotely obsessed with Russian stuff. I'm not too sure when I will get over that, its just that now I can listen to all the music I wanted to my whole mission, and watch the movies or TV shows that everyone talked about. I'm thinking if after two months I haven't moved on I can start to worry. But until then, I'll take in all the Russian culture I can. Oh wait... I'm taking a Russian culture class next semester..... never mind.

I'm tired because I didn't really sleep much last night. We got home late, and then for some reason I decided to watch a movie and ended up waking up early. So yeah... I'm going to catch some z's so I can be fresh for tomorrow.

I'm excited to go back to the old ward and see everyone. I wonder who's still there, who's left. I'm sure I'll have to deal with the onslaught of mission questions again, but that's just part of the deal. And I don't really mind talking about my mission, its just that I've been repeating the same stories over and over and over again for the past few weeks and I'm starting to get sick of them. :) They're loosing their entertainment...ness. Yeah, about that. I'm aparently still learning english. Really, I haven't found it that hard to get back into the habit of speaking English. But there are some words in Russian that don't have good English translations and then it gets frustrating searching for a replacement word.

Anyway, I think thats enough. It was a good week. I'm glad to be alive.

Favorite moment of the day: veal at Caraba's with my parents and some family friends (the Bates) oh and watching "An American Tale" :)

More than meets the eye

Ok well... since I have been like a total and complete slacker on journal writing since I got home from my mission, I thought I'd go with the cool kids and start a blog. It can be kind of my journal-like-thing.

Today was thanksgiving. Good stuff, turkey, family, games, and good movies. I watched Transformers.... cool movie but I couldn't sit still. Sometimes I get a little too involved :) I got to spend more time with my darling nephew Jaylen. I love him to death, and it just makes me want to get married even more. I think its my turn. Hmmm... then again maybe not.

I've been bored out of my mind lately, and I'm afraid that I have nothing interesting to say right now. Literally I do nothing everyday. I think its about time I found a job. Unfortunately, I'm a bit lazy. Hmmm what did I learn on my mission....

I think I'm ready for a boy in my life. Where are you? I saw the movie Twilight last week, and love looks like it would be pretty fun :) ha too bad that was a movie, and about vampires no less. Ahh yes, Hollywood loves to torment us girls with notions of "true love" and destiny, that are really just illusions. Don't get me wrong. I believe that love is powerful, and that you can spend your life with someone and love them more than anything, but really the idea of love at first sight or "one" true love is really just a bunch of rubbish that only makes us feel bad when we don't find it. But I miss having someone there, someone to tell everything to.... ie companion. I suppose all return missionaries go through this at some point.

Well, I think thats a good start, so goodnight everyone and good luck.