*big sigh*

Why is it that there's almost nothing more painful for me than seeing a person I used to care about in love with someone else. It all happened as I was coming out of trade secret today. I was exhausted after finishing the first draft of my thesis (nope I didn't sleep last night, which only makes me more emotional) and I thought I'd treat myself to some expensive hair product. Well... I got the deep conditioning treatment, and a нож в моё сердце в подарок :)

I stepped out of the store and there he was with his arm around his cute little wife. And on top of it all he had to look good, like really good. Thank goodness he didn't see me, I can't even imagine how awkward that would have been. I just felt so inadequate, like it wouldn't have been so hard if I'd have had something to show for myself. I might have even said hi... but all I could think of to say was... "yeah I'm still in the same rut that I was in before, and I still treat guys just like I treated you, and the best part? I still pretend like I don't need or want someone in my life. But congratulations... it looks like your happy. I'm really... kind of... happy for you!" Yeah... that would have turned out badly. It's probably a good thing that I turned almost immediately and walked in the opposite direction.

ANYWAY

moving on....

ok so there's nothing to move on to, and I'm really tired.

всё

*sigh*

First order of business... updates.

I got an A in my Japanese history class, not a B+, not an A- even... but an A :) You have no idea how happy that makes me. I actually enjoyed that class a LOT more than I thought I would. It was interesting for sure. I was going to write the professor a thank you note, but I forgot he was going to Japan to do research. He's probably already left, so this is going to have to do. Thanks for an interesting and fun class! It was surprisingly life changing. I can honestly say I came out of that class a better person, much more aware of the world around me.



Drink of choice right now? Frozen hot chocolate from serendipity. MMMMMMM. Thanks mom ;)

So on to more serious news.... some of you (very few of you) know this already, but for the past year or so I have been struggling with one particular problem, that problem happens to be a boy. My question: can you be addicted to a person? I think so. Not addicted as in the stupid line from twilight "you're like a drug to me..." or whatever... I'm talking addiction like something вредно like crack cocaine. But what if it wasn't actually so вредно. What if you kept going back to that person because you're supposed to work it out. So then how do you decide if what you think is вредно is really вредно.... вот в чем дело. What if you break said person's heart every time you tell them you never want to see them again, only to come back and start the cycle all over again. Why does that person keep taking you back?? I don't want to hurt this person, really I don't. For the most part I consider myself to be kind and considerate. But I just can't stay away. Can relationships really be like addictions? And if so, where's the rehab?


here's some of the stuff I'm doing in ceramics class

Alice in....

Insanoland....

Seriously, that movie was weird. And I'm not really sure how that can qualify as a kid's movie, maybe if you want your kids to go home crying and have nightmares for a month. As for Johnny Depp's dance... all I can say is, funderwhack? Really?

Anyway, life is good. :) There's stuff to tell but I'm too tired right now. I think it was a mistake to start this post right after work, because now I want to take a nap. Perhaps I'll finish this later. In the meantime I just want to say that my favorite moment of the day... nay, probably the week... was when Sophia told us that John (my boss) is going to be gone for the rest of the week. :D Joy.

Are those bells I hear?

And yet another one of my best friends has succumbed to the beast. Anne is engaged.

I'm happy for her, really and truly I am. Being engaged is fabulous, so I hear, and I'm glad that one of my great friends has found her better half. :) But the thing is... my single friends are starting to dwindle, and no one wants to be the last one sitting on the bench alone. So I'm conflicted. But the happiness definitely outweighs the sadness (I hesitate even to call it sadness... its more like frustration)

Yesterday was pretty funny, I really think that I should be quarantined if I get less than 6 hours of sleep. I mean, I get like sleep drunk or something. I start spewing random thoughts that make no sense. I suppose it's entertaining as long as you don't just think I'm crazy. Eh, well I choose to embrace my oddities. пускай я буду сумасшедшей :)

Since it's still relatively early in the day I'll say my favorite moment from yesterday. Hugs :) I don't get enough of them.

Dare I?

I don't know if you've noticed... but it's been a while since I've said anything. So what have I been doing you might ask? A lot. The documentary project that took up so much of my time last semester has been put on hold indefinitely, yeah kind of disappointing. But I'm still going to do it I swear. I just need to team up with some people that are a little more motivated. I still stand by the idea...

I almost got straight A's last semester :) That was a pretty big deal for me. I only got one B! New Testament... I guess that shows you where my priorities are. Heh, yeah. I'm still getting over the fact that I'll never take another class from Dr. Choate. I want to learn! More! His were perhaps the most brilliantly organized classes I have ever taken, is it weird that I love him so much?

Can I just say that I'm sick of old people questioning my personal life? It's funny because they always seem to find a way to make it my fault that I'm single. The other day my boss asked me if I lived at home, I said yes, so he said... "how are you ever going to get married if you don't meet boys?" Ok nosy boss, the problem is not whether or not I will meet a guy, it's whether or not I'll meet a guy who's not a total душ. Or my favorite is, "but you're so cute! how is it that you're not married?" What am I supposed to say to that? I guess this is what happens when you're 24, live in Provo, and still aren't married.

I'm venting too much.

So I'm taking my capstone class for history, yay... 25 pages of "Strange and weird history from early-modern Europe." Want to know my topic? Are you sure? Ok, 17th and 18th century cases of infanticide. Yeah, three months of research on infanticide... I hope I don't go crazy.

Speaking of which, we're studying WWII in my Japanese history class now. Man, I thought the European stuff was hard to take... why am I studying history again? I think I've had to desensitize myself to a certain degree in order to deal with all of these horrifying stories. War is awful, let's just leave it at that.

Anyway my parents are seriously contemplating coming to get me in Moscow when I'm done with study abroad! How fun would that be? I hope they really do. I want them to see Russia so bad.

Enough distractions for tonight, I'm getting back to my homework. The occupation of Japan post-WWII...

I can't sleep...

... which isn't good considering it's already 2:30 am. Awesome... So what's new? Everything, and nothing. I know, profound right? I think it's funny that the only time I ever blog is when I can't sleep. That's probably because I'm too busy any other time.

Since I don't know what to say, I'll just start with today. I worked at the temple. It was amazing as usual. I got to do three veils in Russian today. The Russian sisters are always surprised to find that your not just reading the transliteration, you actually know Russian. Speaking of Russian makes me want to do this all in Russian, but then no one would understand right? А может это все-таки хорошо? Who knows.

I went to homecoming spectacular last night. Here is where I get on my soap box. I have an etiquette professor now that tells us, "in life you only get 5 standing ovations and 10 exclamation points." I agree, therefore I have always been very picky about my standing ovations. If you weren't amazing, I'm not getting up. It's that simple. I really don't care if the rest of the audience stands. I got a little peeved last night. We had really good seats and were close to the front. So this lady in front of me apparently REALLY liked the show, because she decided to give a standing ovation. When no one else deemed it worthy she turned and signaled for everyone to get up. I promptly turned to my date and make him aware of my intention to stay seated. Meanwhile, everyone else in the entire auditorium proceeded to stand. All because of one kooky lady. Really? Have you no self respect? You followers... Anyway, I didn't get up.

In other news I'm going to Moscow next summer for study abroad. Then I'm graduating in August! Finally! :P It's nice to have something to look forward to. I'm starting to get tired now... I think I'll try and go to sleep now.

I thoroughly enjoy this soviet poster.



The End

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